Truth is, I gave my heart away a long time ago and I never really got it back.
25 minutes ago with 1 note — via empty-inside-91


pimpunderthemountain:

nonasuch:

additionally, I CANNOT GET OVER Steve’s fucking Sadness Errands that he keeps running around DC, like, his schedule literally goes

6 AM: jogging

7:15: unburden soul to total stranger, lacking better options

3 PM: visit own museum exhibit to stare at the Dead Best Friend Wall

4:30: attempt meaningful human connection with sole surviving contemporary; fail due to Alzheimer’s

6 PM: dinner for one

7 PM: contemplate own loneliness, probably

image

1 day ago with 14,296 notes — via emsonthebrain, © nonasuch


1 week ago with 48,623 notes — via freckledx, © glueandglitter


carryonmy-assbutt:

fricklesfrackles-letsfrickackles:

domina-domina-omnimalum:

thebabbagepatch:

hereghostyghosty:

jordaamn:

johnstridur:

adriofthedead:

thesunmaid:

parents making sex jokes

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grandparents making sex jokes

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nine-year-olds making sex jokes

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nine-year-olds

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NINE

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NEIN

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image

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Welcome to tumblr where we go from parents making sex jokes to sassy Hitler in 0.6 seconds

1 week ago with 571,446 notes — via emsonthebrain, © thesunmaid


2 weeks ago with 7,775 notes — via the-personal-quotes


2 weeks ago with 155,532 notes — via fearless-tribute, © phattygirls


lohanthony:

me

lohanthony:

me

2 weeks ago with 2,368 notes — via teenagergoneawol, © lohanthony


2 weeks ago with 43,510 notes — via colormebrown, © stileswollf


these-teen-quotes:

Good Vibes HERE

these-teen-quotes:

Good Vibes HERE

2 weeks ago with 2,126 notes — via colormebrown, © words-of-emotion


2 weeks ago with 530,847 notes — via colormebrown, © peeddd


winnovator:

punnier:

when you think you did well in a test but you actually failed

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This sums up the entire Lakers season.

2 weeks ago with 6,499 notes — via colormebrown, © punnier


simplypurkey:

jazzumon:

destielkills:

auntiesnixshipper:

awkwardteenagenerves:

discard-and-discover:

evolve-within:

disregardwomen:

When my mom’s out in public, she sends me pictures of lesbians she sees.

Jesus I envy that relationship. 

this is like the time when my mum took me bra shopping and the girl measuring me up was a lesbian and my mum said to me “i’ll go take a walk around the shop so you can talk to this nice young girl” and gave me a look as if to say “chat her up”. 

My mum tries to push me towards cute possibly gay girls and then disappears. She did it in Primark once and I found her hiding behind a pile of knickers, watching me.

i love all of your moms

When I was 17 I was convinced I was in love with the check out girl at the grocery store 5 minutes away from our house, so my dad went to get milk and somehow found an appropriate point in the conversation while buying a half gallon of milk to give her my number. Three days later she called me and asked if I wanted to come over “to watch a movie” and long story short my dad got me laid thanks dad.


That last story is worth reblogging

simplypurkey:

jazzumon:

destielkills:

auntiesnixshipper:

awkwardteenagenerves:

discard-and-discover:

evolve-within:

disregardwomen:

When my mom’s out in public, she sends me pictures of lesbians she sees.

Jesus I envy that relationship. 

this is like the time when my mum took me bra shopping and the girl measuring me up was a lesbian and my mum said to me “i’ll go take a walk around the shop so you can talk to this nice young girl” and gave me a look as if to say “chat her up”. 

My mum tries to push me towards cute possibly gay girls and then disappears. She did it in Primark once and I found her hiding behind a pile of knickers, watching me.

i love all of your moms

When I was 17 I was convinced I was in love with the check out girl at the grocery store 5 minutes away from our house, so my dad went to get milk and somehow found an appropriate point in the conversation while buying a half gallon of milk to give her my number. Three days later she called me and asked if I wanted to come over “to watch a movie” and long story short my dad got me laid thanks dad.

That last story is worth reblogging

2 weeks ago with 373,858 notes — via colormebrown


2 weeks ago with 4,112 notes — via as-long-as-i-can-dream, © fairestregal


wisteri:

psuedonam:

logoside:

Tips and homespun for the apocalypse that sooner or later will end up coming.     So, keep well this post.

The tutorial for people who ain’t gonna die.

2 weeks ago with 223,229 notes — via professional-dick-hunter, © mmejack


roommate requirements

  • willing to reenact the ‘where’s my supersuit’ scene from the incredibles with me at any point in time
2 weeks ago with 101,781 notes — via gemini-butterfly, © punkwarren